THE LONG WAY HOME
by MistressLynell
Summary: "There was no we anymore, and the only place he was going was away." One-shot of Elijah's thoughts on his way back to Mystic Falls after the events of TVD 4x18 "American Gothic."


_I don't even remember who I was when we first met…_

That was a shame, because Elijah remembered her. It was his burden to bear, but he carried it gladly. For many years Elijah had tried to convince himself that it would be easier, _better_ if he could simply forget all about the young girl whom had stolen his affections after nearly five hundred years of thinking he had none to give. Soon, though, Elijah realized that if he were to lose the part of him that could and had fallen in love with that young girl then he would not be himself. Losing his ability to love would be the equivalent of losing his compassion and his empathy… And that would mean he would only harbor the traits that Elijah most abhorred. Even worse than that, Elijah would become someone whom he never wished to be: Niklaus.

Even know as Elijah dealt with a heart that was being twisted and wrenched with each memory, he could not forget _that_ girl. Maybe it would have been easier to let Katerina Petrova go if Elijah had not seen her trying her hardest to rise up from the dark, frigid ashes that made up the Katherine Pierce persona that Elijah detested so much. But every time Elijah thought that all hope was gone, there would be a look, a laugh, a sigh… And Elijah was drawn back in before his mind could provide him any logic against it. He refused to believe that it was all just a game. Those moments of reprieve when Katerina gained a moment of freedom from the clutches of Katherine seemed all too genuine. Katherine was a gifted actress and liar… but there were some things that even she could not master.

Still he had let her go.

The road ahead was long and it was dark. Very few other cars were seen as the clock showed they were heading into the early morning hour of three AM. Elijah was growing more tired by the minute, now, and all of the routes they'd taken seemed to blend together. For a while he had Rebekah to keep him company and she'd done well in the manner of filling him in on all that had occurred during his long absence from Mystic Falls. However, their talk had soon turned into lecturing and a few spilt tears of his sister's before she'd fall into a deep sleep. Her rhythmic breathing and still body did nothing to help Elijah in his plight to stay focused and alert during the long trek home. By his counting he had only an hour or so left before they arrived at their brother's homestead. It was another hour that Elijah had to endure alone; his brain taking advantage of his physical weakness and torturing him with the memories of the past few months.

_I meant what I said about my feelings for you. And I'd like to think that you feel something for me, too._

And what 'me' was the girl referring to? If she had been hinting at Elijah's appreciation for Katherine Pierce, she was way off guard. Elijah had no interest in this Katherine girl. Above all, Elijah valued compassion. Katherine was cold and she was manipulative… everything that a vampire should be. The eldest Original held no intimate feelings towards the abomination that Katherine presented herself as. For five hundred years Elijah had hunted Katherine, intent on turning the girl over to Niklaus and allowing his little brother to do his will to her. The world would be better off without Katherine Pierce.

But the same could not be said for Katerina Petrova. Katerina was a different sort entirely; she harbored the same zeal for life and compassion that Elijah had come to appreciate in the young Elena Gilbert. It was humane and it was beautiful. Such personality was what had made Elijah realize that he was not as unfeeling and as uncaring as Niklaus had made Elijah believe that he was. For so long before Katerina had arrived Elijah had believed that love was nonexistent. Love, to him, had been a trivial emotion that was reserved solely for the human race. Once he'd transitioned into the atrocity he now was, Elijah had thought that love was beneath him. Or, rather, above him. Devils in their own right, Elijah could not imagine that someone as dark and as evil as the creatures his mother created could ever be worthy of love.

She'd changed that.

Another turn in the road made Elijah sigh in resignation. Despite the hundreds of miles he'd now put between Katherine and himself, he was still haunted by the imprint of their last conversation. Mingling with the months he'd spent with who he thought was Katerina, the reemergence of Katherine had left him unsettled and bereft. He could run away from Katherine all he wanted, but he could not run away from his own conscience and the accosting memories. Streetlights ran intermittent gold over the road and Elijah made his best attempt at trying to count them to give himself a break from the torment. It was to no avail.

_I need you to trust me. I _want_ you to trust me… Just like I'm trusting you. _

Trust. People thought that there was unending supply of the vile emotion. There wasn't. Elijah had more than his siblings (save for Rebekah), but even _his_ ability to trust was waning, wearing thin. He had given what little he had left to Katerina, and Katherine had destroyed it for the poor girl whom was trapped beneath the calloused layers of Ms. Pierce.

Tears sprung once more to Elijah's eyes, though not enough were made to spill about his cheeks. Why he cried, Elijah could not be sure. Was it due to Katherine's betrayal of him once more? Was it because he realized that he'd been manipulated and used just like all of Katherine's male suitors had been? Or was it because Elijah had finally resigned himself to letting go of Katerina completely, leaving the young woman trapped within the cell Katherine had procured for the sweet, innocent girl Elijah had loved for over five hundred years now? Maybe it was a culmination of all these things that brought Elijah's emotional turmoil to a head. It presented itself in its physical form, wetting his eyes and blurring his vision.

Grateful that Rebekah was not awake to see the display, Elijah swallowed hard and chanced a glance at his sister. She still slept peacefully, the lights casting shadows along her face. He had never voiced it, but Elijah had long now understood why it was that his sister made such foolish decisions in the name of love. Rebekah had simply been more apparent, more translucent with her silly ideas of finding someone who cared for her in a way that her brothers could not. Niklaus had degraded their sister for such silly notions; their hybrid half-brother had done all he could to downcast Rebekah's romantic heart. Elijah felt guilt for allowing Klaus the satisfaction of breaking their sister and time and time again, stripping her of any chance she may have had at finally finding peace with someone who looked upon her with the same kind of love she had to offer them.

Minutes continued to click by on the clock.

_You don't owe me anything._

She was wrong. Elijah owed more to Katerina than he wanted to admit. It was due to his callousness, his subjection to Niklaus that Katherine was even able to appear and take hold of Katerina. If Elijah had not played a part in his brother's plans to use this girl for his own selfish needs, there would have been no chance for Katherine to take footing and show her face in the light of day. As Elijah continued to search and search for the girl who had made her escape that night in 1492, Katherine continued to take more and more control of Katerina. Elijah had created Katherine. And for that, Elijah owed the young girl more apologies than twenty lifetimes could generate opportunities for. But he could not bring himself to continue to try and give her what he owed her. He had a family that was in mortal danger, an ancient evil getting ready to ascend their world into darkness. He could not stay and continue to sift through the sands of time to try and find Katerina and bring her back to life. There were priorities that needed to be met. And, if he were to be honest with himself, Elijah knew that his heart could not take much more strain. It had been a thousand years since Elijah had felt such disgust towards a woman he'd formerly loved and the pain that came along with such disgust felt almost tangible. It was as if though a weight was bearing down on his chest and chains were constricting his throat. And no matter how far he drove, nothing about this torture seemed to fade. Distance did nothing in the way of offering the eldest Original any reprieve.

The sound of shifting caused Elijah to glance over at his sister. Her blue eyes were now open, hazy with sleep.

"How much further, Elijah?" she asked with a yawn as her fingers began to work the tangles from her hair.

"Half an hour, at most."

If one did not know Rebekah as well as Elijah, they would not have noticed the fleeting look of disappointment that flickered quickly through the eyes of the Original sister. Grimacing, Elijah couldn't help but share in that disappointment. When this car stopped, reality would set in and there would be a whole other world of problems that Elijah and Rebekah would have to face. Here, they were safe. Their only enemies now were their own thoughts. As potent as these thoughts were, they were controllable. Niklaus and Silas and all the rest of the group of Mystic Falls were not so assailable.

Silently, the siblings ascended into thought. Elijah gave his mightiest try at figuring out what was running through his sister's mind, but his mind would not give him the satisfaction of alleviating him of his thoughts of Katerina. Katherine. Whoever she now was.

_I'm going to let you decide where we go from here._

There was no 'we' anymore. And the only place that _he_ was going was away.

"Elijah?" Rebekah spoke up as they passed a sign that showed they were not far from the city limits of Mystic Falls. "Do you think you could take the long way home?"

He was tired. His mind was berating him with memories and chastisements that he could not temper. The idleness of the car gave him no escape from any of it. But still… in this torture, there was comfort.

"We can't avoid Niklaus forever, Rebekah," he said gently. Still, he passed the exit they would need to head straight into town and continued on his drive.

Rebekah leaned her head against the cool window and stared through the tinted glass. "I know," she whispered.

Then they fell into silence once more and reentered the fight against their personal inner demons.

**FIN.**


End file.
